


Way to Fall

by lostangelssong



Series: Weird Grandpa Big Boss [2]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Character Death, Domestic Bliss, Drinking, Gen, M/M, Metal Gear?!, Not Canon Compliant, Pancakes, Smoking, Sorry Not Sorry, Sunglasses, Swearing, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5861377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostangelssong/pseuds/lostangelssong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Big Boss decides that being a gun isn't all it's cracked up to be.<br/>Also, how hard can getting your kids back from your ex and raising them be with the help of like 300 of your best friends?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> More warnings/pairings/etc will be added as this progresses. 
> 
> I am so not sorry for this.

Snake sat on one of the struts of Mother Base, smoking a cigar, drinking a beer, and staring out at the ocean. It had been a _weird_ several months. So he was taking a chance to actually take a breather. And that might not have been the best idea, because it actually meant he was taking time to actually _think_ about his life and his choices, which was never a good idea.

Footsteps coming up behind him. And stopping.

“Boss? Are you all right?”

“…You know, Kaz? I don’t think I am. I really don’t think I’m all right at all,” Snake said, blowing out smoke from his cigar.

Kaz frowned, sitting down next to Snake.

“So… what’s going on, Boss?”

“Remember how I said I was a gun? I’ve been thinking that’s not the best of ideas. The last few months have been _insane._ Between Peace Walker turning out to basically be some creepy AI reincarnation of the Boss, and Paz turning out to be a quadruple agent or something and then _stealing_ ZEKE… yeah. I just needed to stop and clear my head.”

“So… have you come to any conclusions?” Kaz asked. Their Boss wasn’t exactly a deep thinker after all.

“I want to decommission ZEKE,” Snake said after a minute or two.

“What?! Boss, why?!”

“You _were_ listening two minutes ago, right? The part where I pointed out that the quadruple agent _stole_ our walking bipedal nuclear platform and could have launched a _nuke_ from it? You were _there_ for that, remember? What the hell was I thinking, in letting you convince me to put a nuke on that thing in the first place?! That’s what got us into trouble with the whole Peace Walker mess in the first place,” Snake said, shaking his head.

Kaz honestly was at a loss for words. He was trying to come up with a rebuttal for that. There were _plenty_ of reasons he could list as to why they should keep the nuke, and not decommission ZEKE.

“What will the R&D guys do if we decommission ZEKE?” he tried.

“Maybe they can get around to mounting the rail gun on the raptor,” Snake said lightly. “I’m sure Huey and Strangelove will find something to keep themselves entertained. And if not, there are plenty of other jobs that they can do either around here or elsewhere. No one said they have to work for _us_ , after all. Besides, the only reason we have ZEKE in the first place is because of the whole Peace Walker mess. That was a real clusterfuck, Kaz.”

“Boss?”

“What? I never expected to see my old mentor get resurrected as a giant robot and then walk into the sea. While singing.” Snake tossed his spent cigar into the sea, before taking another drink of his beer. “I don’t know. Makes me wonder if I knew what she really wanted all this time. Or if Zero did. Maybe in the end, she would have chosen peace after all.”

And that was what had gotten Snake thinking in the first place. What _would_ the Boss have wanted? What would her intentions have been? But narrowly avoiding a nuclear catastrophe did have the effects of making a person re-evaluate their life and their choices.

“Oh, and speaking of Zero? Stop calling him in the middle of the night and exchanging information. He’s bad news.”

Kaz somehow managed to _not_ flail like a cat. He had been so careful! How had Boss found out about his extracurricular late night activities?

“What are you talking about Boss? I would never—“

“Cut the bullshit, Kaz. Mother Base is full of people. We have an entire _team_ devoted to intelligence. Did you _really_ think we don’t have people monitoring the phones?” Snake said, looking at Kaz, with irritation clearly written across his face. “Seriously, cut it out. Zero is trouble. And I really don’t like you trying to pry information out of him. It’s just going to be _more_ trouble.”

“Boss, I can explain,” Kaz tried. But Snake was still giving him a death glare.

“What’s there to explain? You’re trying to play him. It’s not going to end well. Trust me.   I’ve heard the tapes, Kaz. Just quit it. Seriously. He’s _bad news_.” Snake finished his beer, before staring out into the sea again.

“How long have you been talking to him anyway?” Snake asked, looking at Kaz sideways.

Kaz wasn’t going to squirm. He wasn’t. But he honestly hadn’t expected Snake to find out about his communications with Zero.

“Not as long as you seem to think. It’s just a business partnership,” Kaz said, a bit defensively.

“Kaz, seriously. I don’t know what business you’re hoping to do with Zero, but nothing good can come of it. Are you forgetting that he was behind the whole nonsense with Paz? That he orchestrated all of that? Or did you know from the beginning and just forget to mention it?!” Snake growled.

“I didn’t know _everything_ ,” Kaz hedged. But he had known enough.

Big Boss’s eye narrowed as he looked at his second in command. “So… what are you getting out of this arrangement with Zero? Is he supplying us with weapons or cash? How far deep have you gotten us into this, Kaz?”

He may have been determining if he needed to beat his second in command up and toss him into the ocean.

“I didn’t know about his plan to discredit MSF. I didn’t know that he planned to use Paz to try to launch a nuke a paint us all as crazy cultists to try to get you to come back to him. You guys have one of the weirdest relationships I’ve ever seen,” Kaz said, shaking his head.

“Kaz? You have no room to talk. You’re the one chatting up Zero, insisting that you’re just his _business partner_ , while whispering sweet nothings in his ear over the phone. And then you guys talk about my kids. It’s more than a little creepy,” Snake said.

“Look, I’m done with Zero, all right? Especially after the mess with Paz,” Kaz said.

“You better be. I’m going to be having the Intelligence guys monitoring you just to be sure,” Snake said. There was a long paused before he asked “Did he say anything useful about the twins, aside from that they’re two and calling them an insurance policy?”

“Huh?” Kaz asked, looking at Big Boss in surprise. Kaz had never really heard Snake talk about the kids, especially not so casually.

“Never mind,” Snake said, shaking his head. He could always listen to the tapes again. He was pretty sure the boys hadn’t come up very much. But he had been thinking about them too. He had been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. The whole Peace Walker mess had given him a lot to think about. And while he still wasn’t sure he wanted to be a father, he was beginning to think he liked the idea of Zero raising his kids even less.

Slowly, Big Boss got to his feet.

“I got a lot to think about. And some stuff to plan. Tell R&D that we’re decommissioning ZEKE, Kaz. I’m serious about that.” He started to head inside. Then he paused, and looked back. “Oh, and Kaz? You’re on the couch. Possibly forever.”

That decided, he headed back inside. All that serious thinking definitely needed another cigar.


	2. Chapter 2

Huey was talking.

 Honestly, Big Boss wasn’t quite sure _what_ the scientist was going on about. He had been dealing with Huey being upset and more and more irritating since he had announced that he was decommissioning ZEKE. Strangelove had just done the expedient thing and resigned, saying that there were no further opportunities for her on Mother Base. They had taken her back to the mainland in a helicopter after she had packed up her lab.

 But Huey wouldn’t let it go, which was why Snake had started tuning him out not too long after he came into the room and said he wanted to talk about ZEKE.

 “So is that all right?” Huey asked.

 “Huh?” was Snake’s eloquent reply.

 Huey rolled his eyes. “I _said_ that the UN inspection team would be coming in a couple of weeks. Is that all right?”

 Big Boss’s eye narrowed.

 “What are you even talking about? That’s definitely _not_ all right! We already told them that they couldn’t come. The whole point of MSF is that we’re an army without a country! That’s the exact opposite of the UN! Our name literally means soldiers without borders! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

 “But Snake think of all the opportunities! We can show them all that we’re leaders in world peace!”

 “Huey? You’re fired.”

 This was the last thing he needed on the heels of the whole Peace Walker mess. He would be willing to bet that Huey had told the UN that MSF had changed their minds because he was pissed about the whole ZEKE thing.

 “Snake! You can’t be serious!”

 “Huey… you’re some kind of robotics genius. I know people skills aren’t your strong suit, so I’ll repeat myself. You. Are. Fired.”

 Thankfully, at that moment, one of the men, Stick Insect, decided to save Big Boss from any more of Huey’s idiocy.

 “Boss! We just got intel on Paz!”

 “Wait… Paz is alive?” He paused, then shook his head. “Stick Insect, I have a very important mission for you.”

 “Yes, Boss?”

 “You get to escort Huey to his lab, give him five minutes to pack, escort him to a boat, and make sure his ass starts rowing. Then can you join us in the briefing room?”

 “Yes sir, Boss!” That declared, Stick Insect gave Big Boss a salute, and none too gently grabbed the handles of Huey’s wheelchair, before escorting the scientist out of the room.

 Big Boss sighed and ran his hand through his hair. How had today blown up so spectacularly? It wasn’t even lunch time! He radioed Kaz, letting him know to meet him in the briefing room ASAP, and then headed that way.

 Kaz was waiting for him, because of course he was.

 “What’s going on, Boss?”

 “I fired Huey. We have a UN inspection coming in a couple of weeks thanks to him. The bastard is sicking the UN on us because I decommissioned ZEKE. And we apparently got intel on Paz,” Big Boss said, settling into a chair.

 “Is she still alive?” Kaz asked, sounding as surprised as Snake had felt when he had gotten that news.

 “Fuck if I know. Stick Insect apparently will be coming to tell us that once he gets Huey _out_ of Mother Base.”

 “We can send people to the mainland, send others on missions. If we can look diminished, they won’t have much to worry about from MSF. They’ll probably dismiss us as not being much of a threat,” Kaz said, as he settled in a chair next to Big Boss. “We already decommissioned ZEKE, so that’s one less headache to worry about.”

 “And if this intel on Paz turns out that she’s alive, I can follow up on that,” Big Boss said. “I probably shouldn’t be around for the inspection.”

 “That’s probably a good idea,” Kaz agreed.

 That’s when Stick Insect joined them.

 “Sir! Huey has been kicked off the base, literally, and I have that intel for you!”

 “Let’s hear it,” Boss said, with a sigh. He _really_ wished he had a cigar right about now. He could use one.

 “Paz is alive,” the soldier declared. “Some fishermen apparently fished her up. She was taken to a US prison camp on the southernmost tip of Cuba called Camp Omega. I put the rest of Intel on getting you more information!”

 “Good job Stick Insect! You’re getting a promotion! And a new code name! Your new code name is Pufferfish!”

 “Um, sir… Pufferfish works in R&D.”

“What? Really? Huh. What about Hippopotamus?”

 “He works in the kitchen, sir.”

 Boss frowned as he thought. “Chimpanzee?”

 “He drives a tank, and could probably kick my ass.”

 “Swan? No. Swan’s a lady.”

 Stick Insect sighed. “All the really cool codenames were already taken before I joined up.”

 Big Boss seemed deep in thought, before he had an idea. “What about Beef?”

 “Huh? Beef’s not an animal, Boss.”

 “Yeah, but cows are animals! And have you ever seen bulls gore a person? Now _that’s_ dangerous! Your new codename is Beef, okay?”

 “Yes, sir!” the newly-christened Beef cried, giving Boss a salute. It might not be the most traditional codename, but none of the others could tease him about it, because Big Boss had come up with it.

 “Good. Now that that’s decided, Beef, I need you to go figure out where the hell this Camp Omega is with the rest of Intel. I’m going to need layouts, specs, as much information as you can get for me. Why is Paz there, what’s going on, any information you can get, I want, and I want it ASAP.”

 “Yes Boss!” Beef said, before heading out of the room.

 Big Boss watched him go, and shook his head. Then he considered something. “Kaz.”

 “Yeah, Boss?”

 “If this UN inspection is for real, I’m going to need you to stay on Mother Base.”

 “But Boss! You’re going to need backup!”

 “Look. If we really _are_ going to have the UN bearing down on us, I’d rather have you here. Even if we send as many people as possible on missions, we’re going to need to have at least _some_ people left on Mother Base. And you practically run the place when I’m gone anyway. I trust you more than anyone. I know that you’ll keep things _together_ while I’m gone,” he reasoned. Then he looked at Kaz, his gaze intense. “Besides… you know I’ll always come back for you, right?”

 Kaz looked surprised, before his gaze softened slightly. After the whole mess with Boss finding out about him talking to Zero, that was more reassuring than Snake could know.

 “I know. Thanks, Boss. Now come on. We have a massive operation to plan.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next few weeks were taken up with planning. The planning had gone relatively well. Everything had come together relatively easily. AS more details came out it became clear that this “Camp Omega” place that Paz was being held at was a Black Site. Which meant that getting out was going to be tricky. It was also being run by Cipher, Zero’s pet project. Intel had turned up that Cipher thought that Paz was a double agent working for MSF. The plan was to get Paz out before Cipher agents broke or killed her if possible.

 And then a monkey wrench got thrown into the plan.

 A lot of people had been gotten off of Mother Base. That included Chico, who they had sent to meet up with his sister, who was on a mission in Cuba. The problem was that Chico never arrived. Just before Snake was going to actually head out on the mission, intel came in that Chico had never met up with Amanda. He had gone to try to rescue Paz on his own. And failed rather spectacularly. It wasn’t a huge problem; it just meant that saving Chico was just getting added to the objectives for this mission.

 It hadn’t even been that hard to sneak into Camp Omega.

 “Kaz, I don’t like this,” Snake muttered over the radio.

 “Not all of us are legendary soldiers, Boss.”

 “Yeah, but I figured a place like this would have tighter security,” Snake muttered as he took down another Camp Omega guard with tranq rounds. He was getting close to what looked like animal cages. “I think I have a location on Chico. And… a bunch of other prisoners.”

 “Don’t forget what you came there for, Boss,” Kaz reminded him.

 “I won’t. How are our guests?”

 “A no-show so far,” Kaz said, and sounded exasperated. “I hope this isn’t a trap.”

 “Keep your eyes open. Be careful. I’m gonna go do a rescue mission. Make sure that chopper is on standby,” Snake said, before cutting radio contact.

 Sneaking missions were serious business after all. And Kaz had Mother Base covered.

 But something was very wrong about this sneaking mission. It was a nagging feeling that was in the pit of his stomach. It had started as soon as he saw how lightly guarded this place was. And it got _worse_ as soon as he rescued Chico. Chico was _not_ himself.

 “No, get off of me!” Chico yelled, when Snake got the cage off. He tried to fight Big Boss. Worse, even in the dark, rainy night, it seemed like Chico was staring _through_ him. Boss didn’t know _what_ Chico was seeing, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t anything good. He got Chico into a light chokehold, knocking him out.

 Of course, Chico’s racket had alerted the other prisoners, who all now wanted to go home _right now._ Snake was going to have to get them all to the landing zone for the helicopter. He wasn’t the type of guy to just leave POWs behind.

 “Kaz, Chico’s not walking anywhere. I’m going to get him up to the chopper. There are a bunch of POWs here too. I’m going to be sending them back with Chico,” Snake said, as he started towards the rendezvous point.

 “Why isn’t Chico walking?” Kaz asked.

 “He has bolts in his ankles,” Snake said, grimacing. “I still have to find Paz. Chico said that she was dead. Muttered it when I was bringing him out here. I have a tape from her interrogation. I think I can find her. I don’t think they would have killed her yet.” Even if they _had_ killed Paz, he didn’t think they’d tell Chico the truth about it.

 “Be careful, Boss,” Kaz said.

 “I always am,” Snake said.

 Chico and the POWs were rescued with relatively little fanfare. Snake headed back to the camp. He managed to disable enough of the guns in the base that once he actually _found_ Paz, that getting out of there with her would be a lot easier. And then there was finding Paz. He managed to figure out where she was from the tape that Chico gave him. He managed to find her in the basement of the admin building in the boiler room.

 Paz had seen better days quite honestly. Her hair was gone. It had been shaved. And she was wearing prisoner clothes, the same as Chico, and she was murmuring in her sleep.

 “Kill me,” she breathed, as Big Boss cut her down.

 “Not after I did all that to _find_ you, Paz,” he muttered.

 That’s when he noticed that the entire midsection of her outfit was covered in blood. He cast a glance around before sliding it up to see _why_.

 That’s when he saw the thick, black stitches covering her midsection. “No… Don’t…!” Paz groaned in her sleep. Big Boss’s eyes were wide. This was recent. And they had either put something into her or taken something _out_. His guess was on the former. He wasn’t going to just leave her here, even if this was obviously a trap.

 “Kaz. We have a situation.”

 “What is it?”

 “I found Paz. She has stitches all over her stomach. Big jagged ones. I think they put something inside of her. I’m pretty sure this whole setup was a trap.”

 As he talked, he started getting them out of there. He placed Paz gently down on the floor as he scouted out an escape route for them.

 “And you’re just bringing her back with you?”

“I’ll have a medic look at her. I can’t just leave her here, Kaz. That defeats the entire purpose of the mission!”

 Kaz sighed. “I can’t stop you. There’s a medic on the chopper. Doberman, I think. He can take a look at her.”

 “All right. I’m getting out of here,” Big Boss said, picking Paz back up.

 Slowly, he made his way out of the base with Paz. He managed to get out undetected. Though the noises she was making as he carried her were distressing. As were some of the things that she was saying in her sleep. But he did get her onto the helicopter and completed the mission without being seen. So there was that.

 Chico did his best to scramble over to Paz once Big Boss got her onto the helicopter. “Is she all right?” he asked.

 “No. Doberman, I need you to look at her. This may get messy,” Big Boss said, sitting down hard in the chopper.

 The medic, Doberman, came over. He pulled up Paz’s shirt. Apparently Kaz had called and briefed them. “It looks like they sewed something inside of her,” was his assessment. “We can try to cut it out, but there’s not any time for anesthetic. It’s also not really a procedure I’d want to do on a helicopter.”

 “Fuck,” Big Boss hissed eloquently. “So what do we do?”

 “About that… Boss, we have a problem,” the chopper pilot, Morpho, said. “I haven’t had any radio contact with Mother Base in a while.”

 “You can’t raise them on the radio?” Snake asked, concerned.

 “No. Commander Miller called ahead to let us know that you’d found Paz and that she’d been compromised, but we haven’t heard anything from him since,” Morpho said.

 “Stay alert. We’re going to have to be ready for anything,” Snake said.

 “Yes sir, Boss,” Morpho said. They were already heading back towards base.

 About that time, Paz decided to wake up. She was struggling with the medic.   
  
“Paz, calm down. We got you out,” Snake said, going over to her.

 “There’s a bomb,” she said, her eyes wide and scared.

 “What?” Snake barked.

 “A bomb,” Paz said. “Two. There’s no time.”

 She got up, staggering to the hatch, pushing the button. Chico hobbled over to her. “Paz! Don’t!”

 He grabbed her in a hug, trying to keep her from doing something stupid. Unfortunately, Chico wasn’t strong enough. Paz was already moving, and her momentum pulled them _both_ backwards, and out of the helicopter.

 “ _No!_ ” Snake yelled.

 The shockwave from the explosion threw the helicopter backwards. Big Boss covered his face to shield it. “Morpho, can you keep us in the air?!” he growled.

 “I think so! They were far enough down that we weren’t severely damaged,” he said, working on righting the chopper.

 Unfortunately, things were about to get _so much worse._

 They arrived at Mother Base not too long later, and it was _burning_. There looked like there was a fire fight going on down on the ground.

 “Get me down there! _Now_!” Big Boss demanded. It felt like everything was spiraling out of control.

 “Yessir, Boss!”

 Morpho had the chopper down in record time. Snake jumped from it before it had even touched down. He landed in the middle of the fire fight.

 “Boss! You’re back!” Beef proclaimed.

 “Yeah. Where’s Kaz?”

 Thankfully, Miller staggered up then, looking worse for the wear. “Right here. Boss… you’re back.”

 “I guess I kept you waiting, huh? You don’t look good, Kaz.”

 “Commander Miller has a bit of a concussion, sir,” Beef supplied, helpfully.

 “Well… let’s get the hell out of here. Are there any others left?”

 “Hedgehog stayed behind too. So did a couple others. Guys! The Boss is back! Let’s go!” Beef yelled.

 The others, and there were only a handful, came running.

 “Come on, let’s get on the chopper. Hedgehog, you tend to Kaz once we’re in the air.”

 “Yes sir, Boss,” she said.

 They all got on the chopper.

 “Morpho, in the air, now. We need to get the _hell_ out of here!”

 “Way ahead of you, Boss!”

 “Make sure we’re not followed, and then take us to the Beach Party, Morpho!” Beef proclaimed.

 “Beach party?” Snake echoed.

 He wasn’t really looking at Beef. He was too busy watching their home burn. And explode. And sink into the ocean. Well _that_ was depressing.

 “Yes sir, Boss! We arranged for all the men to rendezvous at a certain location. So they’ll be having a beach party. We took care of everything.” Beef sounded pleased with himself at least.

 “And the casualties?”

 “Those were kept to a minimum,” Kaz said. “The whole thing was a smokescreen, Boss. There was no UN inspection. We got attacked by… whoever they were. I don’t know. They didn’t have any markings or anything. And now Mother Base is gone! That was ours!”

 “Kaz. The casualties were kept to a minimum. You said that yourself. That’s what’s important. We can always rebuild,” Snake said tiredly. “I told you I’d come back for you.”

 “I’m sorry I let you down, Boss,” Kaz said.

 Big Boss looked at him.

 “They had explosives, and this was an organized strike. You did exactly what I asked you to do. You kept things together while I was gone.”

 Kaz sighed, and looked around the helicopter. “Where are Paz and Chico?”

 Big Boss looked out the window. You couldn’t see the details of the base anymore, but you could still see the glow from the horizon.

 “I failed my mission. Paz had bombs implanted in her. She was going to throw herself out of the helicopter. Chico… tried to stop her. In the end, I couldn’t save either of them.” He closed his eye, trying to block out the memory of Chico and Paz falling together. Sometimes, he thought that he was getting too old for this shit.

 “Boss, you couldn’t jump out of the helicopter after them,” Kaz reasoned. “And what if the bombs had exploded in the helicopter? Then you would have all been dead.”

 “Kaz? I know. It doesn’t make the situation any better.”

 They rode along in silence for some time, before they finally got to this beach party that Beef had mentioned. And it was a party all right. Volleyball, drinking, all sorts of nonsense was going on. And Snake couldn’t even say that he was particularly surprised as to where they ended up, though he _was_ surprised that the old MSF cabin in Colombia was still standing.

 “I’ll be damned. I never expected to see this place again,” Snake said as he got off of the helicopter.

 He was immediately swarmed by the men. They were glad the boss was all right. They were also concerned about the fiery glow on the horizon.

 “Men, we lost Mother Base tonight. And some good people as well. We’re back to being nomads for the time being. Looks like you already got the party going. Let’s give our home the sendoff it deserves,” Big Boss said.

 The men cheered and resumed their volleyball game.

 Kaz came up next to Snake.

 “So what do we do now?”

 “Now? Now I’m going to get _completely_ drunk. And then take you to bed. And in the morning, once the hangover is gone, I’m going to have to call the person I never wanted to talk to again.”

 “Boss?”

 “I’m going to call EVA. It’s time to get my kids back from Zero.”


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning dawned brighter than Big Boss would have liked. There was light filtering in through the dingy windows of the cabin. He had the monster of all hangovers, he was in bed with Kaz, and he was sore in places he wasn’t even sure he’d _had._ He had a vague recollection of things once they had landed, since drinking had become priority number one, but he was fairly sure that things were still terrible.

 Kaz’s arm tightened around him, and his second in command muttered something in his sleep.

  _Well, maybe things aren’t **completely** terrible_ , Big Boss amended. He was willing to stay in bed and figure out his life for a bit longer. Getting vertical was going to take time, especially with the hangover.

 Mother Base was gone. He was going to need to drink a hell of a lot more to forget _that_. The inspection was some kind of ruse, and he would be willing to bet quite a bit of money that Zero was behind the nonsense at Mother Base. And if he _ever_ found Huey, he would beat the shit out of him, to have the medics patch him up, just so he could do it _again_!

 Chico and Paz were gone. And Snake was going to have to get in touch with Amanda and let her know that. He vaguely remembered trying to call her last night, but he hadn’t been able to get through. _That_ was going to be an unpleasant situation.   Snake grimaced, settling a little on the bed, and closing his eye. That just reminded him of the _other_ phone call that he had to make. He was going to have to set his intel guys on tracking down EVA. He hadn’t seen her in two years, and even though she’d sent him those tapes about the Boss, it wasn’t like they had come with a return address. But he had a feeling that if anyone knew where to find the twins, EVA would.

 But that could wait a bit longer. The headache was still pounding. He half-wondered if they had aspirin or anything in this place.

 They were also going to need to relocate. MSF had grown too big that they couldn’t all hang around on the beach and in the cabin anymore. And the men weren’t exactly subtle. Staying here with a group of their size would be hard enough without all of them calling him Big Boss, or Vic Boss, and saluting, or whatever. Goddammit, he needed Kaz to be awake. Kaz was better at the logistics side of things than he was.

 Slowly, Snake worked on getting vertical. Aspirin. Aspirin was going to be necessary before anything else happened.

 “Mmmrph? Boss?” Kaz muttered into a pillow as Snake moved.

 “I’m going to get aspirin. If we have any,” Snake said.

 “You might want to put pants on,” Kaz said, content to not get out of bed for the time being. It was _bright_ outside, and he had no clue where his sunglasses had ended up.

 “You have the best ideas, Kaz,” Snake said, looking around the room, and grabbing his pants once he was out of bed. How they had ended up thrown onto the desk in the corner of the room, he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember.

 Pants and aspirin were acquired in short order. He shared some aspirin with Kaz, before starting to go through some of the old papers in the desk in the room. They hadn’t left anything sensitive behind when they relocated to Mother Base, so it was just maps and stuff. Thankfully, the maps were just what he was looking for.

 “Kaz, I want you to look at these.”

 “Boss, can it wait til I’m less hungover, and more awake?” his second-in-command asked plaintively.

 “No. But you don’t have to get out of bed yet, if it helps,” Snake said, joining Kaz on the bed.

 “What are you asking me to help you with now?” Kaz asked, looking blearily at the maps.

 “We’re going to need to relocate. Probably sooner rather than later. We can’t stay here forever, Kaz. There’s not enough room, if nothing else

 Kaz sighed, looking at the map.   “What were you thinking of? You’re the one that was against Mother Base in the first place. You said we were nomads.”

 “That was before MSF got too big for us to _stay_ nomads,” Snake said. “We’re going to need a centralized place. Mother Base was good because it was a centralized base, it was big enough for all of us, and we could add to it as necessary. We can’t do that here.”

 “So… another offshore plant?” Kaz asked, looking at the map.

 “Yeah. Preferably one that doesn’t get blown up,” Snake said.

 “Well, we were lucky since we got gifted our last Mother Base. Getting a new base built, or up and running, may not be as easy. It’s going to take time, both to scout a site, and to get the resources to start building if that’s what it takes. We may want to send the men on missions, and use our current location as a temporary base of operations.”

 “Good idea,” Snake said. “I’ll go talk to the intel guys. I have another job for them, so they can work on scouting a new site for our new home. I also need to track down EVA for me.”

 “You were serious about that?” Kaz asked, blinking.

 “Yeah.”

 “Why, Boss?”

 “…Because if anyone knows where the twins are, she does. I listened to all the tapes again. Zero didn’t tell you shit about the kids. And I may not be a candidate for Dad of the Year or anything, but there’s _no way_ I can do a worse job than Zero.”

 Kaz blinked. “But…”

 “Look. I trust you and the men to find a site and get the new Mother Base up and running. While you’re doing that, I’ll talk to EVA and get the twins. You haven’t let me down yet, Kaz. I don’t expect you to start now,” he said, flashing his second a grin.

 “Boss, don’t go asking for miracles.”

 “I’m not going to ask for something I don’t think you can deliver,” he said.

 That said, he levered himself out of bed, and went to go find the intel team. He was going to have an assignment for them. And they would hopefully be able to get him information that he could use sooner rather than later.

 He didn’t think that sooner would find him sitting at a table at an outdoor café in Italy three days later, with EVA sitting across from him. He had no idea what the intel guys had put out there, or how they had found her, but whatever they had done, it had worked.

 “So, EVA, I got your tapes,” Snake said, as he looked over the menu. For once, he was decidedly _not_ hungry.

 “Snake, what do you want?” she asked.

 “You’re direct,” he said, putting the menu down. “Not in the mood for small talk?”

 “You never were really that interested in it,” EVA countered.

 “Things can change, you know,” he said, rolling his eye. “But fine, I’ll cut to the chase. Where are the twins?”

 She blinked, caught off guard by the question.

 “What makes you think I’d know?” she finally managed.

 “Because you know everything. And if you don’t, you sleep with a person to get the information, and then you leave them naked and alone with their shit stolen in the morning.”

 EVA sighed. Even though it had been over ten years, Snake apparently was _still_ bitter about that. It was clear that apologizing (yet again) wouldn’t change matters.

 “I have intelligence on where the twins are,” she finally said. “Why are you interested? I thought you wanted no part of them. You denied that you even had sons the last time I saw you.”

 “Like I said, things change. If you have intelligence, why haven’t you gone and gotten them yet?” Snake asked.

 “Intelligence is one thing. Manpower… well… that’s another thing entirely.”

 “They’ve probably heard about your reputation of sleeping with men and then leaving them naked and alone—“

“With their shit stolen in the morning?” EVA finished. “Yes, something like that. I’ve gotten a bit more discreet in the last ten years, thank you.”

 “Well, do you want help?”

 “You’re offering to help me get the twins?”

 “That is generally what a question like that means,” Snake said, rolling his eye.

 “Why? So you can take them to your manly retreat in the middle of the ocean? And make them soldiers in your army. No thanks,” EVA growled.

 “No,” Snake said, surprisingly seriously. “They wouldn’t be soldiers. Not unless they wanted to be. And not until they were old enough to make that decision for themselves. I’ve seen enough of children getting into situations that are too big for them to understand. I’ve seen enough of kids dying for a cause that isn’t even theirs.” Images of Chico and Paz falling together flashed through his mind unbidden. He had to stop himself from shuddering. “No. I want to help you find the twins because I don’t want Zero to have them anymore. I don’t want to know what he has in store for them.”

 For a few moments, EVA stared at Snake. “You… really have changed, haven’t you?” she asked softly.

 “Well, it has been over ten years,” he said after a moment. “So will we be going to find the twins or not? I’ll even let you come back to Mother Base with us when everything’s said and done.”

 “You say that as if I was going to give you a choice in that matter,” EVA said. “You don’t have a maternal cell in your body. And I doubt there are any women in Militaires Sans Frontières.”

 “There are plenty of ladies in MSF! Most of them are dangerous! You do _not_ want to cross Hedgehog!  She's one of our medics.  And Swan has a bazooka! Hell, don't even get me started on Cassowary!  But like I said, you can come. So, when do we start?”

 “After coffee,” EVA said, before flagging down a waiter.


	5. Chapter 5

Big Boss had to take a moment to think about his life and his choices. He was driving through miles and miles of corn in Nebraska in a truck that looked and felt like it was going to fall apart at any minute.   The air conditioning didn’t work, and the engine was making a vaguely threatening clonking sound every so often. Maybe they should have tried to procure something better back when they had the chance. It was unfortunate that the last town was several hours behind them.

 There was some guy crooning about kung-fu fighting on the radio, which was a tinny piece of shit and kept fading in and out as they lost signal. And to make things so much worse, EVA was singing along with him at the top of her lungs.

 “I shouldn’t have let you pick the radio station,” Big Boss said finally, as he flicked his cigarette out the window.

 “I shouldn’t have let you drive,” EVA countered cheerfully.

 “Yeah, well, we all make choices that we regret. Are you _sure_ you know where we’re going?” Big Boss asked.

 “For the fourth time, _yes._ It’s going to be easier to get to David because he’s in foster care.”

 “In the middle of Nebraska?”

 “I didn’t arrange it,” EVA said with a shrug.

 “So what, are we going to pretend to be a married couple interested in adopting him, or are we just going to steal him from the Kents’ farm or whatever?” Snake asked.

 EVA laughed. “I can just see us trying to pretend to be married. How would you explain the eyepatch?”

 “Tragic hunting accident,” Snake said, smirking.

 “Let’s just go in, get David, and get out.”

 “Check. Kidnapping. Shame I left my Fulton balloons at home,” Snake said, grinning a little.

 “Don’t think of it as kidnapping. Think of it as a mission, where everything is procure-on-site, including your target. Turn right up there at that crossover,” EVA said, not missing a beat.

 “Procuring people can still count as kidnapping,” Big Boss teased, making the turn. “So… how long have you known where the twins are?”

 “A while. Eli is going to be harder to procure.”

 “Why?”

 EVA went quiet for a moment. Big Boss glanced over at her. She was frowning. He was about to ask her what she was thinking of, before she spoke again. “Zero still has Eli,” she said.

 “So… it will be a full on facility infiltration. And that’s not even counting the fact that grabbing David will put Zero and the rest of Cipher on full alert.”

 “It’s more than that, Snake.”

 He frowned a little. “Then what is it?”

 “Going after Eli is going to be personal. For me, anyway.”

 “I thought getting both of the twins was personal for you?”

 She shook her head. “You’ll see when we get him. And I have no doubt we will. Not with how you are about your missions. You’re still something of a perfectionist.”

 “You have no idea,” Snake said.

 “I’m sure I could find out again,” EVA teased, flirting with him a little.

 “We’ve been down that road once before. I don’t think I’m up for repeating the whole waking up naked, alone, and with my shit stolen the next day.”

 EVA rolled her eyes. “All your shit would be exactly where you left it.”

 Snake snorted softly. “I see you don’t deny the naked and alone part. No thanks.” He was still grinning a little all the same. This road trip had been a lot _less_ awkward than he had expected. It was surprisingly nice.

 “So… I’m seeing a lot more corn. Am I going to be driving for three more hours in a different direction with nothing to see but corn and cows?”

 “How old are you, five? You’re seriously asking me are we there yet,” EVA scoffed. “But no, we’ll be there soon.”

 True to her words, twenty minutes later found them pulling up in front of a dusty old farmhouse. Several babies could be heard screaming inside. The place had a cornfield, and a barn in easy view. But what interested Big Boss the most was the toddler that seemed to be trying to sneak up on the chickens. And to top it all off, he had a mutt that was clearly alerted by their presence, because the damn thing started barking its head off the second he and EVA got out of the truck.

 The chickens scattered, and the toddler looked over at the dog, disappointed.

 “DD! I was trying to sneak up on chickens!” The little one paused and looked at EVA and Big Boss. “Who are you?”

 The dog didn’t have any qualms. It ran over and began to sniff the two newcomers.

 “We could ask you the same question,” Big Boss said, as he began to pet the dog. Though the answer to that question was obvious as far as he was concerned. This was David. The little boy looked almost identical to him when _he_ was that age.

 “DD likes you,” the little boy said, looking back at the chickens. “I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers.”

 “I’m Big Boss! And this is EVA!”

 EVA just sighed and shook her head. “Really, Snake?”

 “What?”

 “I’m David,” the little one said. “You must be okay. DD’s not biting you.”

 “What are you doing out here all by yourself?” Big Boss asked, kneeling down so he was closer to eye level with David.

 “Playing with the chickens,” David said. “Miss Jenny’s mean.”

 “Who’s Miss Jenny?”

 David shrugged a little. “She takes care of us, I guess.”

 “So… like your mom?”

 David wrinkled his nose. “Miss Jenny’s not my mom!”

 Big Boss laughed. EVA, he noticed, just looked relieved. 

“You wanna come with us?”

 “Why?” David asked.

 “Well, you said Miss Jenny was mean, and it sounds loud in there,” Big Boss said, nodding towards the house.

 “I’m hungry,” David said, plaintively.

 Big Boss obligingly pulled out a bag of chips, opened it, and handed it to David. The little one’s eyes lit up, before he started to devour the chips.

 “Can we take DD?” he asked, in between inhaling bites of chips.

 The dog wandered over to David, upon hearing its name. The little one gave him some chips. That’s when Big Boss finally got a good look at the dog. It wasn’t just a random farm mutt like he’d originally assumed. This dog was some kind of old guard dog. And it was missing an eye.

 “Sure. DD can come too,” Big Boss decided, ruffling David’s hair a little.

 “Good!”

 The chips demolished, David handed the empty bag back to Big Boss.

 “Lemme go get my stuff,” he declared, before heading into the house.

 “Snake, are you sure this is going to be all right?” EVA asked.

 “I think it’ll be fine,” he answered her.

 He edged a little closer to the house. He could hear David yelling inside. “Miss Jenny, I’m running away!”

 “Uh-huh. That’s nice, David. Would you little brats shut up!”

 With the amount of children that woman had to watch, it probably would be hours until she noticed that David was even missing. And that was _if_ she noticed at all. He walked back over to EVA as they waited for David to come back.

 “We’re going to have to take him back to MSF headquarters in the meantime,” he said after a minute.

 “What do you mean?” EVA asked, looking at Snake sideways.

 “Look, you said yourself that rescuing Eli is going to be harder, right? If it’s going to be a full on facility infiltration, I’m going to need more than just you and me. I’m going to need a team. And I’m going to want David somewhere safe while we do that. So we’ll go back to MSF, drop him off, plan to extract Eli. You know, plan this mission intelligently. Since I don’t think Eli will be near as easy as this.”

 He was also hoping that they had plans for a more permanent Mother Base in the works. He hadn’t really told EVA about the fate of the last Mother Base.

 “I hate it when you’re right,” EVA said, sighing. “We probably don’t want a big team.”

 “Do you have _any_ intel on where Eli is?” Big Boss asked after a moment or two.

 “Some,” EVA said. “It’s going to be difficult.”

 “We can put the intel team on that too,” Big Boss said with a sigh.

 Thankfully, that was when David chose to come out of the house. He was carrying a plastic bag with him. It looked like it had a change of clothes (maybe two) and then was filled with candy and what looked like a ball and some crayons.

 “I’m ready!” David proclaimed.

 “Is that all you have?” Snake asked, peering at the bag.

 “Yep!”

 “Check. When we get back to civilization, we might be buying you clothes. Come on. Let’s get in the truck. DD, you can ride in the back,” Big Boss said.

 “Where are we going?” David asked. “It takes a long time to get to town.”

 “We’re not going to town,” Big Boss said, grinning a little, as he situated everyone in the truck. Including DD.

 “Then where?” David asked.

 “Home, David. We’re going home. I think you’ll like the beach.”


	6. Chapter 6

David, as it turned out, _loved_ the beach.

He loved the waves, and the sand, and he was currently playing with his loads of new aunts and uncles, who were in the middle of getting ready for a move to Africa. Big Boss had learned about that once he got back to Mother Base with David and EVA.

“I thought there was a lot more… base to your Mother Base, Snake,” EVA said, looking out the window.

They were currently in the beach shack. It was currently just the two of them. Kaz was going to be joining them soon with intel about the base where Eli was being held. Big Boss had set the men on that particular job as soon as they had landed. He had made sure EVA had told them what she knew as well, so they could better plan this whole mess.

“Yeah, well… this is a temporary set up. Our old base kind of got blew up. It’s a long story. How’s David doing out there?”

“Well, from the looks of it, he looks like he’s about to set of some fireworks with your soldiers,” EVA said.

Big Boss sighed, and leaned out the window. He saw Beef with David and some of the others.

“Beef!”

Beef trotted over.

“Yes, Boss?”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“We’re blowing up some of the ordinance that’s going to expire in a couple of months, Boss. We didn’t want to move it all to Africa.”

Big Boss frowned. “Make sure David has ear and eye protection. And that he’s not standing too close. I didn’t go brave a road trip with EVA for you to blow the kid up!”

“Yes sir! We’re taking good care of him! Alligator is taking care of it! Also, the dog you brought back is taking good care of the Little Snake too!”

Big Boss rolled his eyes.

“You know what? I _don’t_ think I _want_ to know who came up with that nickname. But if he gets hurt, I’m blaming _you_ , Beef. “

“Understood, Sir!”

That proclaimed, Beef sketched a salute, before scampering back over to the beach.

“You named one of your men Beef?”

“Yeah. So?” Big Boss asked, coming back over and sitting at the table with her.

“Beef’s not an animal.”

He sighed. “ _Cows_ are animals. Why do I have to keep explaining this to people?”

Thankfully, Kaz chose that moment to appear. “Looks like everyone’s here. I brought the intel.”

EVA looked at Kaz for a moment, and then back at Big Boss. And she smirked. “Well, Snake. I see your tastes really _haven’t_ changed all that much.”

The two blondes just kind of looked at each other, and Big Boss shook his head. “Shut up, EVA. Kaz. You said you have intel for us?”

There were very few ways this situation could get worse, after all.

“Yeah. I do. I doubt either of you are going to like it. From what EVA provided, and what we were able to turn up, Eli is being held in a Cipher controlled base in Virginia. It looks like the United States government has a controlling interest in the place as well.”

Big Boss swore colorfully, and looked at EVA. “Why is the government involved? Hell, why did Zero keep Eli, but leave David in foster care in Nebraska?”

EVA sighed. “Nothing is ever easy, Snake. You left after you learned about the project. But after the children were born, the President got involved. He wanted the government to keep whichever was the ‘stronger’ or ‘dominant’ of the twins. Dr. Clark told him that there was no way of knowing which one that would be. And Zero, being bad with genetics, gave him Eli. He told the president that because Eli expressed some recessive traits, that made him the superior twin. And the president believed him.”

Big Boss blinked. “That… is extremely stupid.”

“I didn’t find out about it until later. And I didn’t really have any say, since I was expected to give the twins up from the beginning. But…” She shook her head.

“But what?”

“Never mind. You’ll see when we rescue Eli.”

Big Boss sighed. EVA wasn’t going to make this easy. And he looked at his second in command. “Was Zero at the base? Or did he just have his cronies there?

“He was there sometimes, but not all the time,” Kaz said. “You’re probably going to want to take an actual team for this one, Boss.”

“I was planning on it. You’re coming with me this time. Along with EVA. And probably a couple other people. Figure we’re going to need a proper team. And we get in, get Eli, and get out.”

“Boss, shouldn’t I stay here and organize the move?” Kaz asked.

Big Boss frowned. Kaz was right. They still had the move to the new Mother Base to worry about. And he really didn’t trust any of the other men to handle the move. Not like he expected rescuing Eli to take _that_ long, but still. Hell, he was still amazed that Kaz had managed to get them a new base that was similar to their old one on such short notice. MSF must have done one _hell_ of a mission for the government of Seychelles in order for them to get a new base so soon.

“Fine. You stay here. But I’m going to expect you to be providing us support from here.”

It was a compromise, but it would have to do.

Sighing, Big Boss got to his feet. “But if you’re staying here, I’m going to have to go get a team together. Nothing that big or flashy, but I’m going to need more than just me or EVA for this. Maybe Alligator, and Doberman. I’ll figure it out.”

“Why Doberman, Boss?” Kaz asked.

“It’s always good to have a medic along. Especially on something messy like this. EVA, you want to come along? Help me pick?”

“No, Snake. I think I’m going to talk to Commander Miller here for a bit,” EVA said.

“Great… just what I need… you two talking,” he muttered. “Whatever. Have fun.”

He didn’t want to be around while EVA and Kaz talked. Really, he didn’t want to know what they had to talk about. Besides, he had a more important mission right now. Namely: checking to make sure that David still had all of his fingers and toes.

He found his son wearing a helicopter helmet, and still setting off ordinance with the men. The dog was running around too, staying clear of the explosions. Someone had put an eyepatch on the damn thing. It seemed happy enough. It was barking its fool head off every time another round went off. David was jumping up and down with excitement, like it was the Fourth of July or something.

“Again! Again!”

“David, that helmet is going to fall off,” Big Boss said, approaching the scene.

“Nuh-uh!” David said. “Did you come to help, Dad?”

It was still so weird hearing David call him that. After he and EVA had told David that they were his parents, David had taken all of a few minutes to seem to get used to the idea, before just jumping on the idea. Especially when he had learned that they weren’t going to be taking him back to Nebraska any time soon.

“Not exactly. I came to make sure you haven’t lost any fingers or anything in the festivities.”

“I’m okay! See!” David proclaimed holding out his hands.

Big Boss made a show of counting. “Yep. You still have all ten. Who gave you the helmet, anyway?”

“Uncle Beef. He said it’d protect my eyes and ears. He’s the one that put the patch on DD too. He said that it would make DD fit in!”

Snake shook his head. “Figures. Hey. You want to help me with something?”

“What?” David asked.

“I’ve got to pick some people to help me go on a mission. You want to help?”

“Can I come?” David asked.

“Nope. You get to do something more fun than go on a mission. You get to stay here on the beach with DD and blow stuff up and drive your Uncle Kaz crazy.”

David seemed to brighten up at this idea. That sounded _way_ more fun than going on a mission.

“Okay! I’ll help you pick people!”

“That’s my boy. Come on! DD, you can come too. You’re a good judge of character!”

That decided, Big Boss picked David up and went to go determine who he was taking with him. After all, if his people could withstand David’s interrogation, then hopefully they could handle Eli.


	7. Chapter 7

“EVA.”

His word punctuated his fist slamming into the face of a guard.

“Yeah, Snake?” She kicked another one in the stomach.

Sneaking into Fort Onyx where Eli was being held had been all too easy. And Big Boss had to give Zero at least half a point for not being _completely_ stupid. The base was actually in the mountains of Virginia, instead of the DC/Metro corridor.   Not that the location had made getting in any more challenging, but still, it was nice to see that Zero was at least being _consistent_ with keeping the boys in the middle of nowhere.

“What did you say to Kaz before we left?”

He was dragging the now unconscious guard into a side hallway.

“Is now _really_ the best time to be having this discussion, Snake?” EVA asked, rolling her eyes.

“What? This is the first chance we’ve had to be alone! And that helicopter ride took forever!”

“What does it matter what I said to him?” EVA asked, smirking a little as she started to head down the hallway ahead of him.

“Because Kaz doesn’t usually make out with me in front of the men before I leave on missions!” Big Boss growled, following her.

“And you’re saying you mind?”

He paused, staring at her a little, his brain scrambling to catch up.

“No, not really, but—“

“So then maybe you need to stop worrying what he and I talked about, and help me find Eli?” She said pointedly.

They continued to progress through the base, being careful to try to avoid any of Zero’s goons.

“EVA.”

“Yeah, Snake?”

“I know we’re looking for Eli, but if we run into any giant robots or Metal Gears, I’m leaving.”

“What are you talking about?” EVA hissed.

They were currently waiting for a guard patrol to pass by.

“Look, between the Shagohod, that mess in San Hieronymo, Peace Walker, and Metal Gear ZEKE, I’ve had enough of giant robots to last me my whole _life._ If Zero turns out to be hiding a giant robot somewhere in the base, that means that I’ll have fought five giant robots in 10 years, and that’s one every two years. Which is officially five more than _anyone_ should _ever_ fight!”

EVA rolled her eyes. “Snake, I don’t think that Zero has room to hide a giant robot on the base.”

“Look, if I could manage to have a Metal Gear on Mother Base, Zero could manage to hide one here,” Big Boss grumbled, before tagging the guards with tranquilizer darts.

“Fine. If we run into a giant robot, I’ll deal with it,” EVA said.

“I’d like to see that,” Snake said, smirking a little.

“And you will, if Zero is hiding a giant robot. But you know, he probably won’t unleash this theoretical giant robot until _after_ we manage to find Eli,” she pointed out.

“I know. It probably has a really dumb name. They always do,” he said as they proceeded further into the base.

“Like what?” EVA asked, grinning a little at how absurd this whole situation was.

“I don’t know. Knowing Zero it will be some lame movie reference, and it will be all in capital letters. Metal Gear BOND or something like that. And with our luck, he’d figure out how to make the damn thing talk so it could bore us to death while we were trying to fight it.”

“Horrors,” EVA teased.

“It is! Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have a giant robot talking or singing at you while you’re trying to shoot it and try to stop it from firing a nuke!?” Big Boss countered.

“I think you’re going to need to tell me that story some time,” EVA said, blinking a little.

“Sure. When we’re out of here, and I have alcohol on hand.”

They continued through the base until they came to a hallway with a door at the far end. The hallway itself was deserted. There weren’t even guards at the far end guarding the door. Cameras silently observed the hallway.

“This feels like a trap,” Big Boss said, frowning. “Those cameras have guns on them. But that can’t be the only security in this place. I bet you Eli’s in the room at the end of the hall.”

“So we disable the cameras, and go from there,” EVA suggested. “We’ve handled worse.”

“You’re right. We have,” he agreed, before tossing first a chaff and then a smoke grenade into the hallway.

That knocked out the cameras, and revealed that there were, in fact, no lasers.

“Huh. Zero is either more stupid or more trusting than I thought,” Big Boss muttered, before heading down the hallway with EVA. “Well… no traps, but the door isn’t exactly unlocked either.”

“Snake, did you really think Zero would be that stupid?”

“With how easy it’s been to get through this base so far? Maybe.”

EVA rolled her eyes. “Well, then you’re lucky I managed to grab this off of one of the last guards that we took down, now aren’t you?” she asked, pulling out a keycard, and swiping it through the card reader next to the door.

The door beeped and slid open.

Inside, was Eli. Big Boss didn’t even have to ask the little one’s name, since he looked exactly like David, except that he had blonde hair. Not that he even got a chance to ask anything, because as soon as he and EVA walked into the room, Eli started peppering them with questions.

“Are you a pirate?” Eli asked Big Boss.

“What? No!” he said clearly caught off guard by that.

“Well you _look_ like a pirate! Do you have a cool pirate ship?” Eli asked, curiously.

“…It’s more like an ocean base,” Big Boss said.

“ _Really_? So you have a pirate base?! Can I see it?” the toddler asked wide-eyed.

In the million possible ways that rescuing Eli had gone, this hadn’t even made the _list_. Big Boss was fairly certain that Eli had been taught not to talk to strangers (and possibly to shoot them on site if the maybe a cap-gun sitting on the small table in the room was any indication). But because he had an eyepatch, Eli was convinced he was a pirate and wanted to go with them. EVA, he noticed, was trying rather hard not to laugh.

“If you want to see the pirate base, you have to come with us,” Big Boss said.

“Okay! I’m Eli! What’s your name?”

“I’m Big Boss! This is EVA!”

“Those aren’t pirate names!”

“Well, you can give everyone cool pirate names once we get back to my ocean base, okay?” Big Boss asked, scooping Eli up. “Do you have stuff you want to bring?”

“No. Mister Zero took my toys after I shot him with my BB gun,” Eli said, scowling and crossing his arms. “He’s a jerk!”

Big Boss laughed.

“You’re right. He is. So we’re going to get you out of here, okay? And you can be a pirate on the beach and all sorts of fun stuff.”

“Yay!”

“But first we need to get out of here. Shouldn’t be too hard. Come on. Let’s see if getting out of here is as easy as getting in was. If it is, you’ll get to go on your first helicopter ride.”

“And be a pirate?”

“Yeah, and be a pirate. And meet your brother and all your aunts and uncles.”

“A whole family of pirates! This will be the best!”

Getting out really was as easy as getting in was. There weren’t any hiccups, aside from running into a few patrols of guards, which were quickly dealt with. And everyone was back on the helicopter, Eli included, and they were headed back to Mother Base. Eli was chattering all about how he was going to be a pirate, and were they there yet. At least until he fell asleep. Though by that point, he had crawled into EVA’s lap.

“I get it now,” Big Boss said quietly, looking at the two of them.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, frowning a little.

“When you were talking about how it was personal with Eli. He looks just like you. I thought the boys were twins.”

“They are. But Zero’s bad with genetics. And I was expecting to have to give up David. Eli was…” She paused, took a breath. “You know what? I don’t have to explain this to you. You _left_ and said you wanted no part of the twins back then. I know that’s changed, but I don’t have to explain myself or my motivations or—“

“You’re right,” Big Boss said, interrupting her.

“What?” EVA asked, caught a little off guard by that.

“You’re right. I walked away from the project, from the Patriots, when Zero decided he wanted to clone me and use me as some sort of symbol. And then I found out that he planned on using the twins as some sort of insurance policy in case something went wrong. So no, I don’t really have the right to question why you wanted to go after the twins, but we went after them together. And I’m going to need your help raising them.”

EVA laughed softly. “I don’t think either of us knows how to be parents,” she said.

“Between you, me, Kaz, and all the others at Mother Base, I’m sure we’ll figure it out. And we _can’t_ do a worse job than Zero.”

“I don’t know. From what I’ve seen of Commander Miller there, he doesn’t seem to have the temperament for it either,” EVA teased.

“He’ll just freak out that there’s no baby-raising manual or anything,” he said, grinning a little.

“All right then,” EVA said. “It will certainly be an adventure.”


	8. Chapter 8

The rescue had gone well, the boys were settled, and it was absolute _chaos_ at the beach.  The men were bustling all around, and the move to Africa was imminent.  From what Snake had been able to pick up once he got back with Eli, they were more or less ready to start the move, they were just waiting for him.

Of course, there were a few things that seemed out of place that had sprung up while he was gone.  There were flyers that said things like “sharing is caring” complete with pictures of soldiers sharing weapons or the like.  And he was pretty sure he had seen David run by wearing one of his bandanas and chasing DD as he went.   Clearly, he was going to have to talk to Kaz.  He was going to have to do that anyway, but still.

He found his second in command in the beach shack. 

“You’ve been busy while I was gone, Kaz,” Snake said, grinning a little.

“About time you got back, Boss.  We’ve been waiting for you.  Everything’s just about set for the move.”

Big Boss blinked, and considered his second for moment.

“Kaz.  Where’s your scarf?”

Kaz grumbled a little.  “Eli ‘pirated’ it.”

Snake laughed.  “Well, I hope you weren’t counting on getting that scarf back.”

Kaz did not find the whole situation nearly as amusing.  “Boss.  Now that you _have_ the twins back, did you ever stop and think what the next step is?”

Big Boss looked at Kaz, confusion written clear across his features.

“What do you mean, Kaz?”

“Boss, none of us know _anything_ about raising children!” Kaz tried to explain, a little exasperated.

Snake rolled his eye.  “What do you mean?  You have parents!  The guys have parents!  Hell, Musk Ox even has a little sister!  How hard can it be?”

Kaz sighed, deciding to try again.  “Boss… the kids look up to you.  Going into this without any clue what you’re doing—“

“Raising kids doesn’t exactly come with an instruction manual, Kaz,” Big Boss cut him off.   “Besides, we have all the guys, and EVA, and like I said, I have you.  This can’t be _that_ hard!”

“It’s not going to be easy, either, Boss.”

“What are you trying to say, Kaz?” Snake asked, his eye narrowing.  “That I should have left them with Zero?  Because it’s a bit too late to be raising objections _now_ , after I already went and got them!”

“That’s not it either.  It’s just…” Kaz sighed, taking a moment to try to collect his thoughts.  “Mother Base might not be the best place to raise children, that’s all.  The twins look up to us.  But none of us have any idea how to raise children.  The men have the same maturity level as the twins half the time!”

“And if I’d left them with Zero then in five or ten years, they would be child soldiers, and we probably would end up fighting against them!  Fuck that!  I’ve seen where that road leads!” Big Boss yelled, banging his fist on the table.  It was either that or punch Kaz in the face, and he was sorely tempted to do that right now.

He stalked over to the window and agitatedly lit a cigar.  “I’m done with child soldiers, Kaz.  I’m through watching kids die for a cause that’s not even theirs.  So the boys won’t have the most traditional of upbringings?  So what?  Being raised by soldiers or government agencies doesn’t go well.  Hell, of all of us, you have the most normal upbringing.  You at least had parents.  So what if the twins have three parents and a lot of aunts and uncles?  That just means that they’ll grow up with a lot of people that care about them.”

“You know, it’s bad when I’m the one that has the most normal upbringing,” Kaz said, sighing.  The tension seemed to drain out of the room a little.

“Well it’s true,” Big Boss said, shrugging a little.  Crisis averted, for now at least.  “So I guess I have you to thank for all the signs that have been cropping up around here, huh?  About sharing and all that?  You know the twins can’t read, right?”

“That’s why they have pictures,” Kaz said a bit defensively.  “Besides, it doesn’t hurt to remind the men of the rules.”

“And I guess you gave David one of my bandanas too?”

“Eli isn’t pirating your things,” Kaz said, smirking.

“I’ll get you another scarf.  Then you can stop pouting about it.”

“I’m not—“

“When’s the move actually going to get underway?” Big Boss asked, cutting off any protest.

“Tomorrow,” Kaz sighed. 

“All right.  I’m going to go find the twins.  Hopefully they aren’t getting into any mayhem.”

“Eli is mayhem by himself.  It will be interesting to see him and David _together_ ,” Kaz said. 

“Yeah, well, we’ll see,” Snake said, before heading out. 

He found the twins on the beach.  They were in the middle of a heated argument.  DD seemed to be in the middle of this wagging his tail, and looking between the two toddlers.

“You can’t take DD!  DD is my dog!” David was yelling.

“Your name’s not on him!” Eli countered.

“What’s all this about you two?” Big Boss asked.  He grinned a little.  David was wearing one of his bandanas, and Eli was clearly wearing Kaz’s scarf around his head like some kind of headband.

“Dad, he’s trying to steal DD!” David growled, pointing at Eli.

“He’s my dad!” Eli crowed in response to that.

“He can’t be _your_ dad, he’s _my_ dad!” David shot back.

This could go on all day.  Clearly an intervention was needed, so Big Boss knelt down so he was closer to eye level with both of them.

“Eli, you can’t steal a dog.  Dogs decide who their people are.  And I have a newsflash for both of you.  You’re brothers.  Twins.  So you’re both my kids.”

“Brother!” Eli proclaimed, before hugging David.

“Ew,” David said eloquently, and he started to try to peel Eli off.  It didn’t work, and Eli just held on _tighter_.

Big Boss laughed.  “Come on you two.  We need to get ready.  We’re moving tomorrow.”

“Will that be a pirate base too?” Eli asked.

“Can I bring DD?” David asked at the same time.

“It will be a base in the middle of the ocean, and yeah, David, you can bring your dog.”

“Is everyone coming?” David asked. 

Big Boss looked seriously at David.  “Yeah.  Everyone’s coming.  Come on.  Let’s go and get the last of your and Eli’s stuff packed and make sure no one’s getting into too much trouble before the move, okay?”

That said he picked up the twins. 

Maybe Kaz was right.  Maybe he didn’t have clue one what he was doing.  But this really couldn’t be that hard.  And no matter what, this would be a better life for them then whatever _Zero_ had to offer them.  So they’d move to Africa, stay off of Zero’s radar, and rebuild.   And in between everything they’d figure out who had blown up their old home, and they’d deal with it.  That was a plan.

Now all that was left was to hope that a giant Zero-shaped wrench didn’t get thrown into the middle of it.


	9. Chapter 9

Big Boss was frowning as he looked at the new Mother Base.  EVA was standing next to him, and he couldn’t help but notice that she looked just about as unimpressed as he felt.  The place… honestly wasn’t much to look at.  It was a Command Center that looked half finished.  There were a couple other struts, but they looked to be half completed, and covered with tarps. 

“I gotta admit, Kaz… I expected a little… more.  This place is pretty sparse,” Snake said.

“Mother Base might not look like much now, but we’ll get her back up to par in no time!” Kaz said, grinning. 

Snake couldn’t help but notice that he was putting up those dumb “Sharing is Caring” signs again.

“I don’t know… with the way you were talking, I was expecting something a little more put together,” Big Boss said, a little doubtfully.

“Boss, you gave me and the rest of the men a couple of months to find a base and organize a move while you and EVA were gallivanting around and retrieving the twins.  I think we did a pretty good job, all things considered.  Besides, we might have taken Mother Base as payment for the job we ended up doing.  Again.”

Big Boss shook his head, snorting softly.  “Heh.  Really is just like before.”

“It’s a pirate base!” Eli proclaimed happily.

“Is there food?  I’m hungry,” David said.  He seemed about as impressed with the new Mother Base as Big Boss was.

“That’s a good question,” Big Boss said.  “How about you give us the tour, Kaz?”

The tour was given.  It didn’t take long, since the command center was the only thing that was even remotely functional or habitable at the moment.  They ended up in the small kitchen, with David trying to pull the fridge open.

“Easy, David.  I’ll get it,” EVA said.  “What do you want?” 

“Food!” David proclaimed.

EVA laughed and opened the fridge.  There… wasn’t much in there, quite honestly.

“Kaz… when I asked you to get us a base, I expected there to be food,” Big Boss said, coming over to look in the fridge after David looked like he was about ready to mutiny.  “Especially since you always were so keen on reminding me that we need to feed the men, and that food is good for morale!” 

“Look, we don’t have the massive kitchen we had at the old Mother Base set up yet, all right?” Kaz said, a touch defensively.  “And Hippopotamus is out on a supply run.”

“But I want food _now_ ,” David complained.

“I’m hungry too,” Eli chimed in.

“Relax, you two.  I think that despite Commander Miller’s less than amazing preparations there’s enough in here for me to put together something for you,” EVA said.

“I can make them something,” Snake offered.

EVA rolled her eyes.  “You?  Please, Snake, your idea of cooking is catching something, killing it, and eating it.  _Cooking_ it is entirely optional.”

“She’s got you there, Boss,” Kaz said, smirking.

“Hey!  That’s only on missions!  And even then only sometimes!” Big Boss protested.

“Of course it is.  Come on, boys.  You can help me make some food,” EVA said, ignoring Snake’s protests.

Lunch was put together in short order.  Sandwiches weren’t hard, even with the minimal supplies they had.  Eli complained since there wasn’t _soup_ to go with the grilled cheese sandwiches that EVA made.  This just caused David to start to eat one of Eli’s sandwiches while Eli was complaining.  That got Eli to stop complaining pretty quickly.

Things settled into a routine pretty easily after that, mostly with the focus of getting Mother Base up and running.  Well, that and working on raising a set of twins.  Before Big Boss knew it, almost a year had passed.  Mother Base was a lot more functional.  The twins (or The Twin Snakes depending on who you asked) were four and a half, reading, and little terrors who were getting into absolutely _everything_. 

And perhaps most terrifying of all was that EVA was working on teaching him to cook.  This morning was pancakes.  Both of the boys _adored_ pancakes.  And Big Boss was quite fond of them himself.

“Have you seen the twins this morning?” EVA asked.

“Yeah.  They were heading towards my room.  I heard Eli saying something about waking Kaz up for breakfast,” Big Boss said, grinning.

“You know, it’s still sort of adorable how much Kaz _freaks out_ at the fact that Eli looks up to him,” EVA said, smiling a little.

“Eh, I think he’s still kind of weirded out that there’s no manual for raising kids,” Big Boss said. 

He was keeping an ear out on what was going on in the bedroom.  The fact that it was pretty close to the kitchen helped.  Mother Base might be more operational, but a lot of the day to day stuff still took place in the command center.  It also sounded like the twins had “infiltrated” the bedroom.  Too bad for them, Kaz had never been a morning person.

“Uncle Kaz,” David said.

“Mrrrph,” was Kaz’s eloquent reply.

“Uncle Kaz, it’s breakfast time!” Eli tried. 

“I dun care,” Kaz muttered into a pillow.

“But there’re _pancakes_!” Eli protested, utterly scandalized. “How do you not want pancakes?!”

“Because I want to sleep, Eli,” Kaz grumbled.  “Go away.”

Eli was about to protest, but David took his brother’s hand.  “Come on, Eli.”

“But David--!”

“He’ll want pancakes when he notices you have his sunglasses.”  That said, David walked out of the room, ever the troublemaker.

“Hey, you’re right!”  Eli said brightly after a moment.  And after taking only another second to snatch Uncle Kaz’s sunglasses from the nightstand he followed his brother out.

Big Boss was able to hear most of this, but he got to see the full effects of the twins’ mayhem when Eli walked in _wearing_ Kaz’s sunglasses.

“My, Commander Miller, you look a little shorter than normal this morning,” EVA teased upon seeing Eli.

“We’re trying to make Uncle Kaz get up for breakfast,” David said.  “Are there pancakes?”

“I pirated his sunglasses!” Eli proclaimed, as if it needed to be said.

“The pancakes are almost ready.  You two are little terrors,” EVA said, rolling her eyes.

“We’re the Twin Snakes!” Eli crowed.

“You better be careful, or that code name is going to stick,” Big Boss said, grinning.

They settled in for breakfast.  Kaz stumbled in midway through.  And he glared at Eli.  “Really, Eli?”

“Sharing is caring, Uncle Kaz!”  Eli proclaimed cheerfully, around a mouthful of pancakes.

“You know, I don’t know if I should be frustrated that you’re using my own rhetoric against me as justification for stealing my things, or thrilled that the signs _worked_.”

“Maybe some mix of both?” Big Boss suggested.

“Let’s go with that,” Kaz said.  “That works.”  That said he helped himself to some pancakes and retrieved his sunglasses from Eli.

Big Boss watched this scene.  It was nice.  He didn’t expect peace like this to last, honestly he wasn’t sure he’d know what to do with it if it did, but he would enjoy it while he had it. 


End file.
